How to Keep Your Love Life Alive

What's All The Fighting About ?

You've of course heard of relationships referred to as "the battle of the sexes". If you look around and observe relationships, yes including your own, you would probably agree with this assessment. The more we see of something around us the more we agree that of course that's just how it is cause that's what we see. I'm not saying that relationships can't get a little messy and have a great deal of violent unpleasant emotions connected with them. My observation here is how and why they get that way.

Now of course there are the obvious "reasons" that people have come up with over the centuries. You've been done wrong. People grow apart. You fall out of love. You fall in love with someone else. You need your space, blah blah blah. I believe that if you see the truth in something or the real reason something is the way it is, having spotted this, it no longer effects you in a negative way. That might be a stretch for some but so be it, this is my blog after all and you don't have to agree :)

I don't want to alienate anyone here who may buy into all the reasons I've given above. But, I have a point of view here that is a bit different than what you may have seen or heard before and it just might help you to better your relationship.

What Sex ?

When relationships start out they are great. Your view of your mate is that they are fantastic. They're interesting, funny, caring and wonderful etc. etc. Not to mention how good the sex is , right ? Then time goes by and things begin to tarnish a bit or maybe a lot. Maybe he or she isn't so funny anymore. Or maybe they are not as fascinating as they were at the beginning of the relationship. Oh, and don't get me started on what happened to the sex. What sex, right ? What happened to not being able to keep your hands off each other ? Sex now involves begging or a resentful, dutiful quickie or maybe you've had to take matters into your own hands. ( sorry about that last one, I couldn't resist.)

OK, so now you're just co-existing. Day after day settling for less than what you thought you deserved in a relationship. It's Interesting how different people cope with the dwindling of their love life. Some people get angry and there's a lot of name calling, yelling and the throwing of objects. Some people stew in it and let it fester inside and quietly resent their partner. Some people find a friend to lean on and confide in who of course completely agrees with their point of view. Some go a little more covert than that and start to do things to sabotage their relationship. Some people cheat. All the while the mind allows you to act the way you do because you justify your actions. After all it's all being done to you, isn't it ?

Support Your Local Divorce Lawyer

What are the solutions here ? Well, I should mention the divorce rate here. That seems to be the number one solution. Just dump your partner and move on to the next one. After you get over the initial euphoria of being released from the prison that was your former relationship, you've licked your wounds and you're ready to go back out on the market and start dating again.
Well, doesn't the same exact scenario play out with your next relationship and the next one and the one after that ? It would seem divorce does not really solve the problem it just makes it go away for a while. Maybe you're trying to solve it by watching Oprah or worse Dr. Phil !!

Call Me Crazy, What Do You Have To Lose ?

Here's some wild ideas I suggest you try. First of all, get the idea that you could be fully responsible for the state or condition of your relationship. Next decide that divorce or dumping your mate was not an option, or at least not the first option. Like hey, I want to make this thing not just work but be as great as it was when we first met. Hang in there, I know this is some pretty hard stuff to swallow. It's so much easier to blame your mate for all they have done to make your life miserable. Now, that's my very next point. How about you take a look at what you have done to lesson the relationship. WOW, that's crazy right ? Maybe not so crazy.

Let me clarify that last point with some examples. That time you went out for drinks with some friends and maybe flirted with someone at the bar. I know it was harmless and nothing really happened. No harm no foul right ? Well maybe there was some harm there ? Burned the diner, forgot to do the laundry, were not as attentive to their needs as you should have been or maybe you broke some agreements that you had made at some earlier point in the relationship. These things may seem petty and unimportant but the truth is they do have an impact on how you look at your partner. I'll bet you didn't act this way at the beginning of your relationship, did you ?

Work On It Like It's Your Last One.

Relationships are like anything else that gets built only a lot more fragile. They have to be maintained. Unlike a lot of other things you have to work them constantly. You have to create them and imbue them with life. I know this is hard to do. You've get stress and pressure on you from a lot of different sources and by the time you get around to your partner you're just too tired to put any energy into it. And that is how they begin to die. Trust me !

Please put in your comments below and let me know what you think.

How You Got Where You Are

WHO'S RUNNING YOUR LIFE

   People never really stop and think about how powerful their own decisions
and agreements are. We listen to the news and read the papers or read on the Internet how bad it all is. How the economy is in the tank and it's all gloom and doom and we just buy into it. We give our tacit consent and agreement to what we see or hear and then for us it is so.

   I guess it's easier to swim with the current than to swim against it. But
here's the thing: if you find yourself in a place that you don't want to be
and you can't figure out how you got there, then take a good look at what
you have agreed to. You are the most powerful influence in your own life.

   If you find yourself in a bad way economically or let's say in a bad
relationship or job, don't look outside yourself for the cause of that. Look
at yourself and what you have decided or agreed with.

   Now I know this is a tough pill to swallow. It's much easier to just point
the finger at the other guy. It is so much more convenient to let yourself
off the hook by deciding it's your wife or husband's fault or your boss or
your next door neighbor or the guy who cut you off on the freeway or your
dog that did this to you.
But the cold hard truth of it is, it's all on you... Yes, You !

   Now once you get past that idea and see the truth in it... and that could
take a while... you're on the road to taking control of your own life.
Believe me, that's the most exhilarating feeling there is. It makes you kind
of bullet-proof because then NO ONE can dictate how and where your life
goes. That is true freedom !