How to Find Mr. Right ( Part Two )

Thanks All !

First of all I would like to thank everyone who posted comments, sent me emails and voted on the survey posted on my blog site. I had quite a bit of response on this hot topic for sure. The survey question was: "Should a woman be more aggressive going after Mr. Right?" The results were split just about down the middle. The two front running answers were very close. About 48 % answered absolutely and a little over 51 % said no, or it is the mans job to make the first move so to speak.

I don't know about you but I find that fascinating. The woman I have spoken to for the main have fluctuated between those two points of view in attempting to find Mr. Right.
Oh, by the way I am not trying to sound cheesy by saying Mr. Right but as I read it, it just seems to sound that way. I can't think of a proper way to say it that doesn't sound odd. Soul mate, the one, life partner, your perfect match etc. I hope you get what I mean in spite of lack of a correct term.

Magnetism, The Game Of Attraction

You ever get tired of playing the dating game. Or just "playing games" in relationships in general ? You know like from the movie Swingers,"How long does a guy wait before he calls the girl ?" How interested should the girl show that she is ? What is the proper reach and withdraw in the woman-man relationship? Men and women play this game all the time. The only time I think it is harmful or no fun is when they are not aware that they are doing it or when one or the other are being destructive and really have no intention of having a relationship. I think it's a natural law that there is a give and take, a positive and negative in terms of reaching and withdrawing. However, it is only one element in the "game" of relationships though and should not be the only aspect of it. It should not be abused by either party. It can be kind of fun if the overall intention is to create a relationship.

If A Tree Falls In The Forrest .....

You may or may not have heard the philosophical debate, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it does it still make a sound." As I see it a woman does not have to have the approval of a mate in order to validate her existence. A woman should stand tall and confident and not have to have a mate in order to complete her. Despite how romantic that line from Jerry McGuire may have been. You remember, "You complete me." In fact it may be a sad reality that a man may never fully appreciate all the fantastic qualities that you have to offer.

Now that being said, I believe that one of the greatest joys in life is having someone to share your life and your greatness with. So I think the balance here has to be achieved. On the one hand not allowing yourself to feel like you or your life is incomplete without a man and yet at the same time seek out a mate who can in fact share and appreciate how awesome you are. I think the more you "have to have a man" the further away they get.

Cease Fire

Here's a starting point that I think is vital if you want to have success at finding your mate. You have to declare a cease fire. We've all been involved in relationships that didn't turn out so good. For whatever reason things got ugly and the relationship was ended by either you or him. This might have left a bitter taste in your mouth. This bitter taste multiplied by more and more bad endings and compounded by time leaves you with an "impression" of how things are in that area of your life. There is no more powerful effect on you than what you decide. No one effects your life more than you do. Yes, I am sure that's how it is.

Maybe you did some things in your past relationships that you are not very proud of and of course you know he screwed it up more times than you did. Regardless, I think if you are still in the process of looking for a man without a lot of success, you need to forgive yourself and him for everything they may have done to you that was bad or wrong. I know this is not easy. Our society has much more agreement on blaming the other person when things go wrong. Sorry Dr. Phil, your show is all about the rating anyway. You can reference my earlier blog "How you got where you are" for a different perspective on who's the one really responsible for your condition.

Your One And Only ?

There is an idea among a lot of the single woman that I talk to that the reason they are having trouble finding Mr. Right is because there are a lot of frogs out there that they are having to wade through before they find their "one and only." I don't say there aren't a lot of frogs either. One woman's prince is another woman's frog. Ribbett.

Here's another tough point of view that may be hard for you to agree with but one I think is just plain practical and simply makes sense. It also explains why woman would have a hard time finding the only one for them. The successful man-woman relationship is the hardest relationship to find and to keep alive. One of the key reasons I think that it is hard to find is the above notion that there is only one man out there for you.

Let me say here that I am just as romantic as the next person. Really I am. But there are 6.7 billion people on this dust ball called planet earth. Do the math. If you have it set in your mind that there is only one guy out there for you the odds of finding him under those circumstances are going to be pretty slim. Remember my basic premise is that what you decide is going to have the most profound influence on you.

No, I Didn't Say Settle For Less

I am not saying that you should settle for just anyone who comes along, god knows enough women have done that out of desperation I am sure. I propose some type of moderate in the middle point of view about Mr. Right. You know that maybe there are a bunch of guys out there who could fit the bill. The other reason I hold this opinion is that tons of woman have found what they thought was Mr. Right and after a while you dumped him or maybe it was the other way around.

No matter how the sparks flew at the outset of the relationship or how spectacular the sex was, it got old and ugly. The reasons for this can also be found in my earlier blogs. The point is that the woman-man relationship needs to be created every day. I know it sounds like a lot of work. I know that maybe this goes against the fairy take story you want it be. I think the truth is that maybe we are too lazy to put the effort in that is required. We want it to be all magic all the time. But it's just not going to happen. At least not the majority of time to the majority of us. You have to both create your love, friendship, commitment and partnership on an ongoing basis. So I say another element to finding Mr. Right is don't lower your standard just broaden your search.

Do You Shop Without A Shopping List

When you go to the grocery store do you go without a list ? Most woman I know don't. Men on the other hand never take a list and always forget something. I think this can be applied to finding Mr. Right. I have used this advise to help some friends of mine actually find a mate. I sat them down and had them list out every quality and aspect of their ideal man. From personality to goals to looks down to the smallest detail. (OK, guys I used the word small and for that I am truly sorry.)

It it a great thing to really clarify for yourself what it is that you want in a man and in a relationship. Do this newly right now, not based on what you may have wanted at an earlier time. If you've never done this I suggest you try it. You would be surprised what you might realize you actually want in a man. Now I am not saying you will get a guy who's got 100% of what's on your list but if you don't have a list how do you know what 100% would be ?

Romance Is Not Dead

Now again, these suggestions may not seem "romantic" and some may feel they are somewhat mechanical but I say if you've been looking for Mr. Right your way for any length of time and haven't had the success you want how about trying something different? I promise it won't hurt you and it may just be what you need.

Thanks for reading and please do leave a comment.